The Lighter Side of Life
Do you have a funny tale to tell or perhaps a funny phrase you heard or saw on your mission? This is the place to enjoy the lighter side of mission and post-mission life.
Send us your funny jokes, stories, cartoons, anything that made you laugh while on your mission or after. Please keep it clean.
I can not help but find it entertaining how scared the Japanese people were of us missionaries. I, being a towering 5' 8" giant of a man, have had a number of experiences of people literally running from me and my companion at top speed, sometimes screaming in fear. There is one that stands out, however. I was on splits in a cold Toyama winter with Elder Huffman, even shorter than I. On a very lighted bridge next to a very busy street, we stopped a high schooler that was almost 6'. He seemed very nervous so Elder Huffman did his best to be friendly. The boy kept swaying back and forth and would occasionally take a step away, but we tactfully followed. Finally, after this had gone on for a minute or so, Elder Huffman asked, "Are you genki? You don't look genki." He replied "I think I just peed my pants. Can I go home now?" *awkward moment of silence* We let him go home. Poor guy.
Collin Clifford
The most embarrassing moment I recall from my mission came about from an
act of service. It was in Tsukuba, my first area, and about two or three
months into my mission. Our Sisters were stuck in their apaato due to the
senior of them being sick, again. (She apparently has a weak constitution,
and was frequently sick.) Williams, my companion already knew what type of
medicine she preferred at times like these. So being the end of the month,
and the Sisters being short on yen, we decided to pitch in together and buy
them some takoyaki and her medicine as a surprise.
Well, we showed up to deliver it to them, and they were quite grateful, and
pleased. I decided to try out the tango I had been practicing recently, and
tried to say, “Kenkou wa daijoubu desu ka?” However, being rather
nervous, and inclined to the occasional stutter, I mis-spoke myself and
instead uttered, “Kekkon wa daijoubu desu ka?!?!” She was dumbstruck,
and in a classic reaction, her companion, having overheard my unfortunate
comment shrieked, “NANI?!?!?” and dropped the dish she had been
washing. I think she broke it. *^-^* The sister, recovering her speech,
tried to explain what I’d said, but had to wait till Williams could stop
laughing so that he could translate. Then we all had a good laugh at my
expense, although I was scarlet with mortification at what I’d said.
Great start to a mission, ne? =D
Daverick Yonus
I remember one really hot day in Sanjo streeting with one of the Zone Leaders. I'm not that tall but the ZL was over 6 feet. Anyway we stopped a shorter older gentleman with a big wide brimmed hat. He had to look up to see me and then his attention focused on my companion and as he kept raising his head higher and higher to make eye contact with this giant of an American, I swear this is true, he fell right over and into the street. Well we were alarmed to say the least and so we dropped everything and grabbed him to help him back up. In the process of getting him back on his feet and steady he had latched on to my fanny pack that I always carried with me that had my jiko shokai and a BOM and some other personal items inside. Well, he was ready to leave at this point and still quite disoriented, and still with my fanny pack in his hand. I asked in my best Japanese if I could humbly take back my fanny pack. In the confusion he had grown quite attached to it and was quite adamant that in fact it was his fanny pack. I tried explaining to him he was incorrect and that I
needed the bag back. Finally I grabbed it from him and opened it up and showed him some pictures of my family, home, etc. and asked dont' you think it's strange that my stuff is in your pack. He left muttering something with alot of rolled RRRRRRR's. I remember thinking we built some great kankei today. I can just imagine what onlookers must of thought of
the two Mormon Missionaries knocking an old guy down and then stealing his bag from him!!! Oh I miss those days. Brian J. Higley
While looking through the image gallery I was reminded of the time that Elder Kerl and Elder Smart were preparing for the big soft ice cream all-you-can-eat at the local depato. They prepared for a couple of weeks by drinking water till they were about to burst, thinking that would stretch their stomachs enough to be able to tackle the 5 cones in 30 minutes or 10 cones in 60 minutes. I have to hand it to Elder Kerl who went through with the stunt while Elder Smart bowed out at the last minute. Elder Kerl was on a role as several of us sat around watching greatness in the making...not to mention several Japanese onlookers watching the crazy gaijin. Elder Kerl blasted through the first 8 cones in less than 30 minutes. However, he decided to go for the grand prize walkman by completing 10 cones. Unfortunately, the 9th cone took nearly 15 minutes and the last cone sat in his tight grip for the remainder of the time. He was only able to get down to the top of the cone by the time his 60 minutes ran out. Elder Kerl hurled right in the middle of the depato causing several onlookers to gasp. Of course he ended up paying for all the cones and won nothing but dissapointment. We still thought he was a star even though he was sick for a couple of days.
If you're out there Brother Kerl...Yoroshiku
-Kevin Nelson
The true story of the mugi is only slightly less funny than this one from Elder Christensen. I was also in Sendai, and we did have to eat mugi every day (mission rule), and we all bought it in large bags from the mission home. It was a ground grain to which we added water and vigorously boiled...like cream of wheat, and then we'd put whatever we could stomach on top to give it flavor. If anyone paid very close attention to the graphics on the exterior of the bag, perhaps they'll remember the chickens there. We were all eating livestock feed every day. I like to believe it was the unadulterated kind, but then, we all gained weight, didn't we? Think about our buff thighs from riding bikes...well, aren't thighs one of the most prized parts of the chicken?? Hmmm?? (Just a joke about the thigh hormones, but I still can't get excited over a bowl of cream of wheat.)
-Alyson Lee -- Sendai Japan Mission 1989-91
Probably the funniest bit of mission legend I ever heard was the story of the sister missionaries and the wheat. Years ago, word came down from Salt Lake that in order to remedy some of their many health problems, the missionaries in Japan should be eating more wheat (mugi). In our mission, the eating of mugi was a very serious matter. Well, at some point some sisters decided to seek out cheaper wheat than what could be purchased in bulk through the mission home. They found some, and happily made the switch. Weeks went by. Simply put, the sisters gained nearly 50 pounds and started getting very hairy. It was then that they discovered that the wheat they had purchased was laced with hormones and intended to fatten-up livestock!
-Andrew Christensen -- Sendai Japan Mission 1991-93
While I was still a new missionary in Japan, I told an "eternal investigator" (One who, I was told, had no real interest) that we were having a baptismal service the next day, and then invited her to come:"Ashita, baputesuma o mitai desu ka?" Would you like to see a baptism tomorrow? In Japanese the word "mitai" can mean both "see" and "try". She accepted by saying "Yes, I would like to be baptized!" Ya gotta love language mix-ups!
-Cherie Gee, Japan Tokyo South Mission 1993-1995 (formerly sister Cantrell)
This happened to the son of a friend of mine. David, the son, was serving in Japan. Being rather tall and very blond, both he and his companion stood out like proverbial sore thumbs. One day, while eating lunch in a local noodle shop (the Japanese equivalent of fast food), a middle aged couple sat down at the adjacent table. Not thinking for a second that the English speaking Americans could understand what they were saying, the wife complained to the husband that the foreigner problem was getting out of hand. Refering to the Elders and in a voice they could not help but overhear, she said, "Why, it is getting so bad, even our local noodle shops are being invaded by them". The husband agreed, but noted that, "at least that American is proficient in his use of chopsticks". Without missing a beat the Elder rejoined, in perfect Japanese of course, "Using chopsticks is easy once you learn the language!" The mortified couple practically choked on their food. Without saying a word, they picked up their belongings and left the restaurant. When the Elders went a few minutes later to pay their bill, they learned that the couple had paid for their meal. Classic Japanese behavior, all around.
-Don Mackay, 1973-5 Quito, Ecuador
Two quick stories....I'm sure my old companions might remember these !
In Koshigaya, while at Bishop Morimoto's house having dinner and dessert one evening, I had been in the mission less than 2 months and needed to use the restroom after dinner. I asked Sister Morimoto in my best Japanese to "please tell me where the restroom is", after pointing to which direction the restroom was I blurted out; "Ja, toide ni issho ni ikimasho ka?" The house bursted out in laughter. (I really only wanted her to show me the way to the restroom as it was a large house).
The other story in Takadanobaba...my companion and I were out looking for
a new apartment to teach in close by the station. We were walking down the
road and saw a "For Sale" sign on a used blue 10-speed bicycle . We inquired of a gentleman in the wood shop as to how much it would cost. He said "600 yen". "That's all??" (What a deal ! The Lord is really looking out for us...). He asked us to go buy him 3 cans of OJ and 3 cans of ice coffee in a nearby vending machine (we all remember those) and we did. We gave him the 6 cans and then took off riding our recently purchased bike toward home. On the way home, we pass in front of a koban...the police hop on their bikes and chase us down yelling "Gaijin! Tomare !" We
stopped. They asked us to come back to their office on Meijidori. They said some things amongst themselves and looked at the serial number on the bottom of the bike....it was a stolen bicycle (should've known that !).
The police called Pres. Ogden...(it wasn't a pleasant conversation for either of them and we weren't it a great mood either knowing of our potential chances of going to jail or being deported...). After what I'm sure was high stakes diplomacy over the telephone, all was made right. We left the bike there and walked home. (By the way, we told the cops where
and from whom we bought the bike...they went to his house to ask him questions....).
We were chastened for our actions by the President and was told that any other purchases beside food that we did had to be approved by him first. (Rightfully so...especially contributing to someone breaking the Word of
Wisdom by buying them coffee...great xamples we were !)
There are many more stories (not of this magnitude), but one's that will remain with me for a long time....I'm glad the Lord has the repentance process in the Gospel !
- Donald Love
I had a very similiar experience as Elder Mussman below: I was in Okinawa
in about 1958 on P-Day. We were on a bus and as we stopped at a small road
side rest stop we all went in to buy a drink of sodawater, etc. I have one
long eyebrow not 2 like most folks, so a young school girl said to
another. :That man can see 'Yurei' (Ghosts)". I over heard it and said (in
Japanese) "It's true! I can see them NOW" and pointed at the girls. They
thought I was pointing over their shoulder into a very dark back room!
They all screamed and ran out to the bus! Much embarrased the Elders then
sheepishly went out to the bus and had to ride along with everyone
jabbering about the Gaijins who had scared the little girls! Brother
- Wayne Summers
My most humerous mission moment came on a
train out in the country. My companion and I had to ride several kilometers into the country to teach the family of a Tokyo member. In the
largely empty train, first-timing was useless, so we were studying. I was using the time to study my daily vocabulary list, which included some pretty strange words late in my mission. On the way, at one eki, "hundreds" of schoolgirls got on the train. Immediately, we were aware that all the schoolgirls in the car were staring at us. My companion and I conversed in English, and did not show that we understood what they were saying around us. Most of what we heard was the usual - our large shoes, wierd eyes, etc. Then one schoolgirl standing next to me said (in Japanese) "I wonder what it is like to kiss
them." I couldn't help saying to my companion (using one of my vocabulary words) "It's probably like kissing a moose." The entire car, including us, had a good laugh.
-William Mussman
When the MTC was built in Provo, beautiful green athletic fields were planted so the missionaries would have a place to exercise. However, they were so inviting that BYU students were attracted there, and you would see BYU students out playing touch football, throwing Frisbees, etc., on the missionaries' field. To deal with this problem, a large banner was posted, which read "Missionaries Only." The next day BYU students were out on the field playing touch football and throwing fisbees. They had a new banner which read "Every member a missionary.
A fairly widespread story for missionaries in Japan is of the greenie who was teaching lesson 5 to their investigator with his trainer. They got to the invitation to live the law of tithing. In Japanese, tithing is called "Juubun no Ichi" Which literally means to "one tenth". The greenie, who was still confused with the language and no doubt nervous, invited the investigator to live this law by donating his own house ("Jibun no uchi") to the church!
The scientist approached God and said, "Listen, we've decided we no longer need you. Nowadays, we can clone people, transplant hearts and do all kinds of things that were once considered miraculous." God patiently heard him out, and then said, "All right. To see whether or not you still need me, why don't we have a man-making contest?"
"Okay, great!" the scientist said. "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam," God said. "That's fine," replied the scientist, and bent down to scoop up a handful of dirt. "Whoa!" God said, shaking his head in disapproval. "Not so fast, pal. You go get your own dirt!"
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