Stories: "Go There"
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| 11-12-99 A storm came tonight. The dark purple clouds quickly chilled over the once bright, blue day from cool to chilly. I rolled and stretched my arms slowly towards the heater light above me and leaned against the glass booth window. It was the last half shift at the West Gate and there were only a few people walking in the gate that bothered to look up at me, from the bitter cold breeze that blew in. So when she walked in I barely noticed the thin figure of a woman enter until she walked around from behind me. abruptly she then stopped as if she were lost looking that way and then the other. Then, I saw her face toward me in the orange-yellow light that I stood under. The light revealed a thin pale, and fragile sort of face.
In a raspy soft tone she asked me a question I can't remember but I remember it wasn't
a question I hadn't heard a million times before but this time it seemed different and I didn't answer her. I sensed she had a need more than I could answer for. Upon closer study, the womans' face seemed to spell sorrow and pain. Her eyes had deep outlines and seemed to have red outlines as if she had been crying. Though her features were plain and young...she looked older
with ugly and hard experiences carved in her face. Inside I felt a sharp and strangely familiar desperateness, that I am sure I hadn't experienced ever before in my own sheltered life. They were feelings of emptiness and loneliness and they were at such a degree that I absorbed them instantly and momentarily felt as if I were in her place, yet I knew I was not. I then stuttered after her as she started to wander away..."Can I help you?" She looked at me in surprise, and then began to sob. I then felt as if my question was an offering far more than I felt I could actually do anything about...she cried into her hands and I barely made out the words "...I need help...but I can't....Oh I feel so alone...I don't belong anywhere..
not anymore...I really don't know where to go..."My voice then sounding too small to be of any real comfort, because I sounded so simple like a child..."but you belong here" She was pacing all the while and wringing her hands without eye contact...Then as the cold made her tremble, she rubbed her hands over her arms in the soft, violet striped sweater. She continued to sob. I cupped my hand around her small shoulder in a half attempt to calm her...but her body was a s stiff as a sharp, glass, figurine that seemed to afraid to soften. At that moment it seemed the storm became more furious at her and I felt compassion and a few tears came, just a s the wind brought an unsteady drizzle. My hug seemed not enough....so, I tried to ask sensible questions she had answers...Her name was Kathy, she was on her way to Idaho, she was from Virginia...she was leaving behind circumstances and painful mistakes she made...she was a Mother, she had children and she woried about their fate and if she had been good enough to them. I'm not a good Mother she said....I asked if she wanted to be...she started to cry again...Yes, but she was afraid she had already made to many mistakes in being the person she was. She felt it was overwhelming. She didn't marry the right man to be a good Father for them. The resented her and She felt like she had failed. She then cried harder in her sweater...I tried to hug her again..this time she softened. I asked if she knew where to find help? She shook her head like a child..." Not for me." I said a small prayer inside and then felt the strength to say "Kathy I have not been in your place but I have felt alone before and that I was very lost without a way to go...but I found hope and it was only the Savior Jesus Christ that gave me a way to change and make room for that hope. Her crying stopped and though the sky was now very dark...the cold wind had slowed and a velvet white light came from around the dome tabernacle eminating from the top floor of the Visitors Center....I pointed to the statue of Christ and said.." Go there." "It is warm and quiet, you can ask the Lord where you should start." We hugged hard, after I smiled I felt a tear fall from my face..it was after I felt the Spirit whisper the truth that I was so moved. She said with her eyes on mine I needed you to show me that you cared...Is that a tear for me?" She then walked towards the way I pointed...no other words were exchanged and it felt reverent and right that way. Even though my heart felt heavy, a great hope rose up in the night air as I still thought on this stranger whom I felt compassion on as I would even a dear friend. Was this in small degree how the Savior felt about all of us?...and how more marvelous and sweet is the Peace he brings during the storm.
Sister Mary Fa |
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