Stories: The "Other" 13 Articles of Faith (English)
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These are meant to be humorous, and in no way recognized by The Church.
- We believe that elders should move pianos, washers, dryers and several 50 pound bags of storage wheat, through narrow hallways, tight door jams and at least one flight of stairs.
- We believe that the Relief Society is called to provide meals for the needy. We do not believe that the priesthood cook for anyone, except missionaries, and then it's limited to ordering pizza.
- We believe in tuna casserole with stale crackers or old potato chips topping, served in a tupperware dish with a piece of masking tape on the bottom that reads Jones, Smith or Brown. And as a side dish we believe that green Jell-O with shaved carrot topping should be served at all church functions including funerals.
- We believe that women should stop having children at 35 (because 36 is too many).
- We believe in keeping the Sabbath day holy. But it is okay to watch professional sports as long as the athlete is a descendant of Brigham Young, a convert to the church, or owns a professional team in Utah.
- We believe that drinking caffeinated drinks is not a violation of the Word of Wisdom, as long as they are cold.
- We believe that ward phone lists are good multi-marketing tools.
- We believe that Sunday drives are okay as long as it's not on a speed boat or dirt bike.
- We believe in enduring to the end of the stake high counselors talk and nursery callings.
- We believe that sleeping on the floor during General Conference is okay; after all, we can read every talk in the conference issue of the Ensign.
- We believe that ex-Mormons who write anti-Mormon literature are mean people with nothing better to do.
- We believe that sleeping during sacrament meeting is the highest form of meditation.
- We believe in kicking our sons out of the house at 19 years old, sending them to a foreign country like Chili, Japan, or New Jersey for two years, and telling them that they will return men because of it; while at the same time, sending them dozens of stale cookies and wasting postage by mailing one shoe at a time. We also believe in sending young women away for 18 months when they turn 21, as long as they are not engaged to be married.
I found these these at http://www.ldsmissions.net/wsm/articles.htm. I regret that I do not know who the original authors are. |
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