Stories: Feeling LOST on Return- James J Jones
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| EDITORS NOTE: Elder Jones contacted me in March of 2005. It had been years since I had seen him, so I scolded him soundly!
But from that he explained why he had been ‘out of the loop’.
He expresses a feeling of being ‘lost or adrift’ that many of us felt upon our release and return from Japan. It is included here because it expresses that feeling so well.
You should have known Elder Jones. He was TRULY an inspired and diligent missionary!
Webmaster Wayne
NFEM 1956-59
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Mar 2, 2005:
Elder Jones, It is so good to hear from you!
Sister Funk and many others in the mission spoke so highly of you.
I thought you were really great also!
BUT when you didn't return my e-mails, I gave you MANY Scotch blessing for you being so egotistical and uppity.
Now There ... You have been severely chastised!!!
I feel better already!
I have been running this website for 6-7 years now and it has been a joy and sometimes a curse when I hear of an Elder/Sister that has fallen away.
WWS
Mar 3, 2005:
Dear Wayne,
I must apologize for being so uppity and egotistical
and not answering your emails. To tell the truth I
have been slow getting 'on line' and haven't answered
my emails. My secretaries answered them for me and so
personal emails were simply not read. I just couldn't
get this on line stuff figured out as quickly as many
others.
But I am repenting!!! So if being retarded is better
than being stuck up I will do fine. But there are
other reasons why I have not been one of your best
supporters. I will try to explain why if you will
forgive the long explanation.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of
Japan and the wonderful companions I had there. I
wonder what has happened to all my Japanese brothers
and sisters.
When I went to Japan I was a brand new member of the
church and to become a missionary was the greatest
desire and passion of my life...but I couldn't go
because of the draft situation. Then the miracle
happened and I got to go. Bishop Sterling of the
Waikiki ward had an opening and I got one of the six
month allotments.
My uncles had been in the Pacific theater during the
2nd world war and were in the thick of the Kamikaze
attacks and all the death and carnage of those
terrible sea battles. I was a little boy then and was
taught to hate the Japanese; they were trying to kill
my uncles. After the war we moved to Hawaii and I was
exposed to many different races and realized that race
doesn't make the man. I was close to my friends
regardless of any racial differences. When I was a
senior at University High School the missionaries came
to our home and my family was baptized. We knew the
gospel was true immediately.
It was summer and very light at 4:00 am, as my ship
crept into Yokohama Bay in 1954, I got my first look
at Japan. I looked out of my port hole and looked way
down at the men in the little fishing boats bobbing
below and saw their shaved heads. As I looked down
the Lord touched my heart and filled my entire soul
with the most powerful feelings of love I had ever
felt. I knew at that instant I loved the Japanese
people and I knew the Lord loved them. These
wonderful feelings were overwhelming and I could not
restrain the tears. I was filled with love and joy.
Love for these people and joy that I could teach them
about our savior. I never lost that love for Japan or
for the Japanese people.
I tried to be an obedient and faithful missionary. My
mission was my life and my whole existence and when I
was released I was lost. I got on the boat and felt
like I had been thrown out of the church or something.
I felt betrayed.
When I got home I felt guilty kneeling down and
praying because I wasn't working (doing missionary
work). I was constantly figuring out what time it was
in Japan and what everybody would be doing.
After a month at home I went into Army Basic Training
at Schofield Barracks on Oahu. Walking guard duty at
night I would go over and over the missionary lessons
in Japanese so I would never forget them. My heart
and soul and all my interests were in Japan with the
missionaries and saints I had left behind. I was
miserable.
After I got out of Army I went on a stake mission and
got the chance to teach the lessons in Japanese but
finally I had to get hold of myself and go on with my
life. It was very difficult but I forced myself to
stop converting to Japanese time and stopped
praying in Japanese and stopped forcing myself to
mentally repeat and repeat the missionary lessons in
Japanese. In this whole process I felt like I was
betraying the Lord and deserting my post.
Now I am ashamed because I have forgotten the
language, but I had to let it go. Sometime, when I
speak or teach, Japanese words pop into my mind and out of my mouth, if I am not careful.
I concluded that I should go to BYU and get an
education and marry and do the rest of the Lord's
program and stop being unrealistic.
After great effort I got back into the main stream of
things and to most people, it would have seemed quite
normal. I found a lovely farmer's daughter named
Lillie and married her in the Manti temple. We had 6
children (2 deceased in infancy). We have always been
totally immersed in the church, Jimmy went to England,
Angie went to Osaka, David went to Uruguay and Danny. Danny is a story for another time.
Our whole life is the church. We have served in
various capacities and had great joy in our service
but are looking forward when we can serve the Lord
totally and completely. Lillie's health has always
been quite delicate. She had polio when she was a
teen and has never been very healthy. So what we can
do is limited at this time.
Well brother Wayne, I hope this makes up for some lost
time. And I hope you will forgive me for being non
supportive all this time. Japan, the members I left there and my
mission hold a very sacred place deep in my heart and
will through all eternity. I cannot express how
grateful I am to Heavenly Father for allowing me to
serve a mission and especially in Japan.
God bless,
James Jones
PS: You can find a picture of me on my web site I
think. Familyhood.com or Kudos.com. One of those
sites should have a picture. If not we will figure
out something. Do you have pictures of other old guys
too?
Mar 4, 2005:
Dear Wayne Summers,
Thank you for your quick response. I hope you did not
assume we had been inactive in the church because I
had been out of contact with my old friends.
Your comment reminds me of an old lady who was almost
100 years old and still very healthy and couldn't ever
seem to die. She wanted to be with her family and
husband who had all preceded her.
She made the comment that she was worried that all her
friends and family in the spirit world were wondering
what had happened to her. She said "I'm afraid that
they will all think I died a long time ago and went to
hell!"
I would like to know what has happened to some of my
old missionary companions. Milo Durfee, Geo. Kekaoha (temple worker in LA), Kelland Willis, Richard Detton (Hawaii), Fletcher, Hoover, Niles Jensen, David Broadhead, Carlos Smith, Awa (Hawaii), Wm O Whitaker (Scott Whitaker, William’s uncle taught me the gospel), Walker, Law, Shinn (Korean), Danny Kamekona. I spent about 4 weeks with an Elder Anderson (in Mission office did MIA stuff) and an Elder Enis (mission
Sec.)from Draper.
Thank you for your service.
James Jones |
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