Philippines Ilagan Mission

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announcement 16 Nov 2004
That's some good advice there Steve. Thanks.
Well I have an announcement. I would like to say that my wife Cherrie is pregnant with our second child. Looks like she should be due in the first couple of days in June.
KIRK
Kirk w. Benge Send Email
 
Keep it Positive 15 Nov 2004
Just a thought….. A while back, when President Gaviola came for General Conference, he added a few days to his trip, and stayed with us at our home. One night, I decided to show him the mission website. He was so excited. I remember very clearly what he said after seeing the set-up of the site.

He Said:

“I love the thought that our former missionaries have a place where they can go to read great experiences of one another, and reflect on positive experiences of the mission field. We should be telling everyone about this great site”. (It was something like that).

Let’s all try a little harder to KEEP it positive, and inspirational. I personally check this site often, and how much more enjoyable it is when words of announcement, congratulations, encouragement, and inspiration are offered.


Steve Hiatt.
Steve A. Hiatt Send Email
 
Sorry 14 Nov 2004
Whoa easy. This got a little out of hand. I am sorry for what I said it wasn't supposed to get this big. I shouldn't have used this forum for bashing. I realize now that what i did was not appropriate. It was uncalled for and will never happen again.
bobo ka po Send Email
 
My opinion on the subject 14 Nov 2004
If someone doesn't strictly adhere to all the mission rules, a public forum is not the proper place to discuss it, after a person has already returned home is not the appropriate time, and missionaries in general are not the proper people to do it. If there is something inappropriate happening, it is between the missionary’s companion, his leaders, and the mission president, and should be taken care of at the time it happens. The gospel is about recognizing things that we can improve on and making changes in our lives, not dwelling on anything we may perceive as wrong.

Almost without exception, developing any relationships beyond friendship detracts from the work in some way or another. In an ideal world, with perfect people, there would be no crushes or courtships on the mission field, but people are not perfect. While I was on my mission, I saw a number of missionaries that developed crushes for others. In some instances it detracted from the work, in some instances it didn’t detract in any noticeable way. I would consider some of these missionaries among the best in the mission. We are not robots without any feelings, and we are not perfect. It is no more realistic for us to expect that no crushes will ever develop in that mission field as it is for us expect that missionaries will always get along perfectly. It is something we should strive for, but we don’t need to be critical of every imperfect example. If something did realize that they have feelings for someone while on the mission, I think it is good that after their mission they made something good come from it.

I am happy that Trevor is about to see his fiancé and be married in the temple. I think that American men who marry Filipino women are usually satisfied with that decision. I know of three people who were once married to a Filipina, and when they were separated through divorce or death, they chose to marry another Filipina. Although there are instances of divorce, it seems to be much less common in these marriages.

If we do wish to discuss our opinions on mission courtship or marriage to a Filipino, lets discuss it in the context of sharing our views on the subject, not spreading gossip about people, especially if we have little understanding of the whole situation.

Matthew Blake
Matthew A. Blake Send Email
 
"Any feelings of love are not of God"? 09 Nov 2004
I just want to correct a false statement from 'bobo ka po' when he said that "Any feelings of love are not of God." We know that this is completely and utterly false! The scriptures teach us that "God is love." We also learn that charity, which is the pure love of Christ, is a GIFT from God.

Of course, this statement was meant as an attack on myself and not meant in the context I just presented it in. What he really meant was developing feelings of romantic love as a missionary, which I had no intentions of doing while a missionary. I kept my feelings only at a crush and nothing more. It did not develop further because it had nothing to develop from. Only once it was given the "wings" of RM-hood did the crush develop into something beautiful. And THAT love is something all of us should strive to find and develop as we are searching for an eternal companion. And to all of us who have found her/him, we need to continue it's development.
Trevor Duston McGarrah Send Email
 
the situation 09 Nov 2004
I wasn't planning on posting another message about the situation with me and Mary Ann, but there seems to be some misconceptions about the whole situation. So I feel this merits a detailed explanation on my part.

First, I NEVER flirted with Mary Ann as a missionary. Second, I NEVER had an inappropriate friendship (i.e. NOTHING beyond the occassional handshake and kumusta/konting tsika) with her while I was a missionary. Third, I NEVER told her I had a crush on her and she never told me she had a crush on me. Fourth, we HARDLY ever talked to each other, mainly because she was too shy and too hesitant because she did have a secret crush on me. Fifth, I NEVER told her I would come back for her and DEFINITELY NEVER told her I would marry her. Sixth, she NEVER expected me to call her after my mission to develop our FRIENDSHIP which happened to develop into a romance. Seventh, the only people who had a clue that I even had a crush on Mary Ann were the other missionaries in the apartment. Eighth, I didn't know Mary Ann well enough to be in love with her while I was a missionary. Yeah, she was nice, sweet, strong in the church, and pretty, so I DID have a crush on her that her and her family didn't notice. Nineth, I'll admit it was wrong of me to have written that poem and give her a ring I had bought AND worn in the Philippines as myself. I gave it to her as a SR (simple rememberance) and wrote the poem as the explanation of why I was giving her the ring.

At that time I wasn't even sure what I felt for her, HENCE I NEVER stated that I loved her, but only that I cared for her. Even with the letter and the simple ring you can find at ANY palanke in the Philippines, she was completely SHOCKED when I called her after my mission.

With all that now said, I'll say HOW the tsismis got spread around in Echague AND throughout the PIM. It was from the elders that came to Echague AFTER I had gone home and only really was spread once the poem was found a COUPLE MONTHS after I was home. By this time a lot of people knew I was calling and talking to Mary Ann on a regular basis. These missionaries put 'D' and 'K' together and came up with the WHOLE alphabet! Now, how they did this I'm not sure. But as tsismis is spread, the little truth that is part of it gets manipulated and distorted until it gets to the present tsismis that I was COURTING Mary Ann while I was a missionary in Echague. There are just WAY TOO many holes in the story these elders conjured up for them to tell WHAT REALLY HAPPENED!

That being said, I hold no grudges or ill towards any of them or any of the tsismis. I actually feel sorry for people that have nothing better to do that spread rumors. Alam naman natin na kahit ang damo ang may mga tainga! And before we know it, the whole world is believing a falsehood.

So the next time someone wants to spread tsismis, the LEAST they could do if they feel so inclined as to spread it, is to make sure they spread the WHOLE TRUTH! The most clever of ALL lies has partial truth (i.e. the poem) and distorts everything to the point that others easily believe the lie because it makes sense and can only be logical.

Check your sources the next time! And remember, even in a court of law NOT ALL witnesses are proven credible! Evidence taken out of context can be manipulated (sort of like how some people take ONE scripture and interpret it out of context and thus form a false belief).

So, "judge least ye be judged." "He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone." ETC. ETC. ETC.
Trevor Duston McGarrah Send Email
 
clarification 09 Nov 2004
Hey Trevor, I don't want you to take that the wrong way, after re-reading it I thought It may have seemed as if I were singling you out. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned the exact details of your courtship are already there, and aint nobody gonna change nuthin' by complaining on a website. The important thing is that you guys are committed to each other. feel free to email me if you need any help or advise. I did the whole fiance visa thing, and I may have helpful advice if you need it. also feel free to contact me for any thought I have on cultural or family issues (not that my advice will be good advice)
If you are ever in the salt lake area, stop by, have a merienda.... we'll cook up some corned beef or BBQ. all of my info is available here on the website, just look me up.
Kirk w. Benge Send Email
 
thanks for mentioning me selander 09 Nov 2004
I personally was gonna stay out of this one, but since I have already been mentioned, I think I will comment.
I personally believe that there is absolutely NO REASON that a missionary should fall in love with someone while ON HIS MISSION. Let me clarify that statement. Everyone who has served a mission knows that there are times, with certain individuals, that feelings of lust or feelings of friendship arise. That happens all the time. To deny that fact would be like denying the fact that you have hair on your head.
Problems only arise when an elder acts upon those feelings. I personally don't think there is any reason at all that an Elder should allow himself to get to know a girl well enough to "falll in love". He may have developed a small crush on a girl, that girl may have even told him that she has a crush on him. That should be a dead end. Any self respecting honorable Elder should recognize that that is the end of the road.
Now, if after returning home from his mission, that honorable elder decides that he wants to explore those feelings, he has every right to contact that girl. If something developes, well then so be it. I don't like the fact that some people automatically assume that if you marry a girl, you must have met her while serving. I especially don't like the fact that some people assume that if you married a girl that you met on your mission, you must have broken mission rules. That simply is not true.
I also find it disgusting that some elders feel that rules don't apply to them for whatever reason (going home soon, etc) and they engage in flirtatious or immoral behavior.

Don't fool yourselves into thinking that these types of things don't hurt the work.
MY wifes parents have refused to hear the missionary discussions thanks to the way a particular Elder behaved. I won't name names, or disclose details, but suffice it to say that My wifes mother commented to this effect, "is he here to teach the gospel, or meet a wife?". They were so offended by the flirtatious actions of this elder that they refused to listen, and also refused to let my wife be baptized for a time.
I agree wholeheartedly with what selander said in his message.
Anyway, stuff happens. If by any chance though, you make the mistake of crossing that line, and making a promise to return for a girl... YOU DAM* well better return, because it isn't a joke.
KIRK
Kirk w. Benge Send Email
 
AMEN! 08 Nov 2004
Well said! Well said!
Trevor Duston McGarrah Send Email
 
looks like i still have some fans! 08 Nov 2004
First of all, I have no idea why a current missionary of the PIM would be using the internet for anything other than to email to his family. I guess I've still got a lot of fans in the PIM though!

Secondly, I never claimed to have any revelation about being in love or if she was the one or anything like that. All I did was write a poem the day before I left Echague to go home. Nothing romantic EVER occurred while I was still a missionary. Ask any of the elders I served with in Echague. But to go and put words into someone's mouth that he courted while still a missionary is uncalled for and unless you were actually there you can't rightfully say he was courting or not, and thus it becomes tsismis and backbitting which is a sin in and of itself.

Not that I am justified in the least bit by this, but I know of many missionaries that did A LOT worse than just write a poem to a girl as he exited the mission. All of you can believe what you may though. The elder that knew me better than any other way Elder Tyler Brown and he can vouch for me 100%! He was my companion when I first was transfered to Echague. And he was still a missionary there when I went home, though he was no longer my companion.

Anything romantic between Mary Ann and myself occurred AFTER I had returned home. I NEVER promised Mary Ann I would come back and marry her. She couldn't even believe it when I first called her after I had come home.

If you want the truth of the matter, don't listen to a third-hand account of someone that wasn't even there to witness it. In a court of law, circumstantional evidence in and of itself can't carry any water. There must be a valid witness to the crime. And I'm sorry to be the informant to the general population here, but a witness is not credible if all he can say of the insident is "I heard so-and-so say . . . " or "This is what I THINK happened . . . " or "This is what THIS means . . . "

This is just my two pesos worth. Take from it what you may. I guess some people just really get off on spreading tsismis. It's nice to see that the elders of the church have to stoop so low and to try and destroy another's reputation and good name.
Trevor Duston McGarrah Send Email
 
apostol 07 Nov 2004
apostol, i love you.
Rob Porter Send Email
 
a bit late 01 Nov 2004
too late, i already took out a loan for millions of dollars and gave them my account number, etc.
Tyson Apostol Send Email
 
Email Scams 01 Nov 2004
Just wanted to warn everyone about a scam that has been using emails from this web site.
Does the name Ruth William ring a bell for anyone? Has anyone recently contacted you via email asking you to take million of dollars and use them for the church or humanitarian work? BEWARE

Here's a web site with more info:
http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/churchscam.html
jennifer steele Send Email
 
Approved Fiance Visa! 31 Oct 2004
Just for any of you curious to know, Mary Ann had her visa interview on Friday and was approved. We're looking at me going to pick her up and bring her home in January. We're also looking at a January wedding in the Dallas Texas Temple. But some of you see to not be interested in "non-missionary" balita so I'll just leave it at that.
Trevor Duston McGarrah Send Email
 
I'm Coming Out! 31 Oct 2004
[...] I am getting married. On feb 5 at the salt lake temple. so if you knew me, there's a bunch of elders i want to invite, so send me your contact info and info of other people i might need. then you can come and watch me sell out big time. My email is stroopy@hotmail.com. alright.
Rob Porter Send Email
 

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